Is He Stupid?

#1: My friend Rebecca was coming over while Tiger and I would still be out, so we were figuring out how to get her keys without leaving the door unlocked. We came up with the idea to leave our mailbox key under our doormat and our door keys locked up in the mailbox. Then Rebecca would only have to worry about getting into the building (you need a security card). But we figured she could follow someone in with minimal wait time. Problems solved.

            Then Tiger asked me, “Should I leave the keys under this mat (points outside front door) or this one (inside the door)?”

            I wanted to scream, “Are you stupid?” but I didn’t. I said, in all seriousness, “The outside one, Tiger.”

            He laughed, “Oh, my Shawna has no sense of humor.”

#2: Tiger walked in the front door all sweaty from the gym and said, “I forgot shampoo. Can you hand it to me?”

            I said, in all seriousness, “What are you going to do with it?”

            “I’m going back to the gym to shower.”

            Granted the gym is about a two-minute walk from our building, I still thought, “Are you stupid?” but I didn’t say it. Instead, I said, “Just take a shower here.”

            Tiger laughed and said, “My Shawna has no sense of humor.” And added, “You should write a blog about this.”

Garlic Breath

So, I was studying Chinese in the living room while Tiger was cleaning up the dinner dishes when I commented that “My breath stinks.”

Tiger laughed and asked, “Really? Is that normal?”

I was only half focused on the conversation because I was concentrating on tone marks, so I didn’t pick up how shocked he was at my comment. I replied simply, “Yeah, it’s normal. There was a lot of raw garlic in the 'Little Green Dragon Died in Pieces.'” (diced cucumber salad).

“Huh, mine doesn’t stink.”

That got my attention because I was spewing garlic gas with each breath. I looked over at Tiger to see him fanning his chest, cupping the air up to his nose. “Maybe only women’s breasts stink from eating garlic.”